I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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