don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
