If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
