Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
