Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
