Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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