Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize