now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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