I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
