my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Randomize
