So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
