idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
