This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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