I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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