just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
