Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
