Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
