People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Who died my cat blue again?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
