I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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