sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
