if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
