Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
