I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
