Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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