Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
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