She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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