My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
