apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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