woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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