after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
