The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
