He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
