But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
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Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
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Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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