watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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