she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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