So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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