If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
