I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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