No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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