did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
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were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
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I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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