Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
