i need an iv and a liver transplant
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
