Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
