i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
