Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
