weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
i need some magic done to my vagina
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
