I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
