Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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