We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
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