At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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