I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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