so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Randomize
