you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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