so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize