how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The power of my boobs compel you
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
