can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
