i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
