We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
