There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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