apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
