Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
