Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize