I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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