Where did you get a picture of my penis
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
