The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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