Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
