smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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