You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize