no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Everclear isn't food dammit
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
